Too often we hear phrases like –“it’s no big deal,” “just do it,” or “you can get over it,” to name a few. While those words are often uttered by well-meaning people, it’s time for those who suffer silently to stand up and be counted. Ok, maybe being counted isn’t that important –but as someone who advocates for people with mental health issues, perhaps this is my time.
We hear about all sorts of medical ailments and their impact on a person or a collective of people close to those who suffer. For example, heart-attacks being a silent killer, and Alzheimer’s being a slow painful goodbye to mention a couple of the big ones. But what happens to the people who are suffering silently with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness? Those who are trying to keep things together as they agonize over these major key factors in depression. What about those whom are crippled by debilitating anxiety and are without a partner or other means to support them, Somehow, they must find a way to get up, get going, and function in spite of the discomfort they experience on a constant basis. For those of you who believe that mental health issues and seeking treatment no longer comes with a stigma, let me provide you with the facts.
To date, there are approximately 40 million people in the US age 18 and older suffering from anxiety disorders and only 36.9% are seeking treatment.
Let that really sink in. Now, people don’t seek help for multiple reasons. For many, they suffer alone, fearful their employers, family or friends will find out and think less positively about them. It can also make the person suffering extremely embarrassed to be brought in to see someone, while parents, spouse or sibling explains what’s “wrong” with the person.
So, for those that do not seem to be bothered by feelings of uneasiness, discomfort, panic, extreme sadness, fear of things you can’t control, or have never experienced the difficulty it may take to just get through the day, here are some helpful tips for helping those in your lives who are suffering.
1.ENCOURAGE THE GOOD – DON’T HARP ON THE BAD.
Do not point out what the person is not doing (like grooming themselves, eating, being friendly, or finding joy in life). Instead tap into what that person loves and encourage their effort to do something positive. Perhaps bring over a food you know is their favorite, some music you know they like, or go with them for a walk. Let them talk to you without the pressure of feeling that they need to.
2. ENCOURAGE THEM TO ENGAGE
Find something lighthearted to discuss and focus on. Something you think may calm them and make them feel comfortable, and safe.
3. BRING YOUR PET FOR A VISIT
If the person in question love pets, bring yours for a visit. Animals sense tough times and can oftentimes ease tension and sadness. Grab your furry friend and bring them over for a cuddle session.
4. PICK THEM UP (IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE)
Offer to pick them up and bring them to your home for a meal and quiet evening. If they decline offer to bring dinner to them and spend the afternoon or evening. Show them that you’re showing up for them, one way or another. The best pick-me-ups are times well spent with good people.
5. JUST. LISTEN.
If your friend starts to talk with you about things going on in their lives – listen and don’t offer advice unless asked. This is a good time to suggest professional help, especially if you do not have an answer that you believe can be helpful.
6. DID WE MENTION LISTEN? ALSO, ENCOURAGE.
If your friend is fearful of engaging in certain activities DO NOT dismiss their fears by saying they should, “get over it,” or by giving them factual statistical information. When someone is dealing with an irrational fear, your attempt to soothe them by educating them on why (YOU feel) they are being ridiculous may enrage them and push them away from you…not soothe them.
7. THE SOCIAL ANXIETY STRUGGLE IS R-E-A-L.
Anxiety affects 15 million adults or 6.8% of the U.S. population. And, only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment. While it may be difficult to relate to; especially if you are an outgoing person, be aware that 36% of people with social anxiety disorder report-experiencing symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking treatment. While you may find it easy to talk to strangers, go into new situations without knowing anyone, or readily go places alone, there are many that struggle just going to the grocery store.
8. JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T “SEE IT” DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT THERE
Because you do not see someone crying, shaking, or “freaking out” doesn’ mean that they are not having a hard time. People who suffer from anxiety especially chronic/long-standing have had to learn two things —
One, to cope with it the best they can, and two, to hide it from those around them. Panic disorders affect 6 million adults or 2.7% of the US population. And, women are twice as likely to be affected as men.
9. BE AWARE & RESPECTFUL
People who suffer anxiety and depression often have feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. Those who are in the throws of anxiety typically prefer to keep it to themselves. It’s rare they’d announce it to you, nor would they particularly want you to tell others. That is one of the reasons they do not seek help. If they do decide to share that information with you, respect their privacy, and be supportive and secretive with that information.
10. ANXIETY & DEPRESSION
Oftentimes depression accompanies anxiety. Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide. Almost 75% of people with mental heath issues remain untreated in developing countries with almost 1 million people taking their lives each year. 1 in 13 globally suffer from anxiety.
Bottom-line is this. Just because you can’t see it, and certainly because you don’t feel it, does not mean that it does not exist in another person. Do not try to convince them that what they are feeling is not real. Instead, try offering support, reassurance and understanding. And if rappelling down a mountain, jumping out of a plane, or running with the bulls is not something they are interested in, perhaps you can see a movie or grab a cup of coffee with them instead.