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Anger is often a scary and misunderstood word and can show up in many different facets. While we think that someone is simply an angry person; in reality, they may be dealing with many other issues that are causing them to react in different ways. Disappointment, frustration, worry, fear as well as other things are often the driving force behind the expression of anger. So often, fear of what we don’t understand can be manifested in anger.
The physiological effects of anger include muscle tension, racing heart, shakiness and, for some, tears. When you get angry, your body reacts: your heart pumps faster, your blood flows more quickly, adrenaline kicks in, and “you are off into overdrive”. Have you ever noticed how the volume of someone’s voice increases as they become more upset?
Anger is a word that is commonly used when people are “upset”, usually about something that did or did not happen. Have you ever really stopped to think about what drives anger? Look at road rage. Thinking about road rage in a light hearted way, road rage is an adult temper tantrum; you know yelling at the person who can’t hear them, throwing a finger gesture or two, or maybe pumping a fist at someone who is already way beyond them and can’t see. Understanding the cause of anger is the most important ingredient in its management. Think about the feeling you get when someone cuts you off on the road. Did you have to slam on the brakes? Did someone sideswipe you? Were you convinced that the person was going to hurt you or your passengers? Even though your immediate response was one of anger, in truth weren’t you scared? Weren’t you worried about your safety and the safety of others in the car?
Where anger becomes worrisome, is when a person takes that anger and it becomes more intense because of an inability to understand anger, or an inability to calm or reason with oneself. Where one person is scared of being hurt, there may be another person who feels disrespected by the other driver, and is not fearful but enraged by what they believe is the other drivers entitlement to do what they want.
The first step to managing your anger better is to understand it. While anger can be used positively to help propel you forward through problem solving, staying healthy, feeling better about yourself and improving your life, not managing your anger properly can lead to problems with relationships, physiological problems such as high blood pressure, digestive and sleep problems, anxiety, depression, as well as other physical tension in the body that can cause discomfort. And of course out of control anger can lead to peer conflict, problems with authority, job loss, legal issues, and even jail time.
We can help you learn how to identify your triggers, what drives those triggers and help you manage them.